Antinquing VIII

We're always on the lookout for vintage. Why go and buy new when something old is just as good -- I mean, it still exists, right? It's obviously going to last.

You don't understand how fantastic of a find this is. Cecil B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments" is one of my all-time favorite movies. It's horrendously long, over-acted, and almost boozy. This issue was on top of the pile, waiting for me. I didn't buy it because I feel like magazines just take up space, just like the actual movie when you watch it. Say goodbye to four hours of your life!
Supposedly this is Wifefriend and myself. Wifefriend is looking classic with long eyelashes as she stares up at the sun. I feel like I'm a little creepy-looking, like I murder elves. Based on my position, I look like I'm staring at her neck. Look how pale I am. This is me as a vampire. A vampire that murders elves.

It seems like Barbie's been living life on the edge lately. "Don't do it, Barbie! There are other men than Ken!" Right? I mean, she could always be a cougar and steal Skipper's boyfriend, Kevin. 
Jacob's Bible Cards? Like, the Satanic Bible? But, they're made in Israel. Jacob, I'm confused. 
If you knew Maeve, my villainous Sheltie, you would know that these things would've been her minions, had they been alive. The one in the back with the dark brown face and yellow eyes would've been like Ed from "The Lion King." You know, the stupid one. These four would have just made Maeve mad with their insufficiency. "I'll just go and torture Girl Human myself," she would indignantly proclaim. 

T.J. Eckleburg's wife. 

The certificate some of my middle schoolers deserve.