Snuggie “Party”

Somehow we got into a discussion in my first period class about Snuggies. When I say “we,” I mean me. I brought it up. It was my doing. My students had nothing to do with it. If it wasn’t for me, their lives would be pitiful!


I told them that we (this time I mean it in the plural) should have a Snuggie Party. I said, “If you’ve got a Snuggie, bring it in and we’ll wear them!”

“Can we bring in food?” They asked, resounding like a Greek chorus.

“No. You’ll get your Snuggies all dirty. We can’t have that. There is nothing worse than cheap fleece with bits of food stuck on it,” I said.

They raised their pitchforks at me and said…nay…yelled: “We will have snacks you dastardly Mr. Williams!”

“Away from me you soulless souls! Be gone!”

“NEVER!” They cried out.

Then, all went back to normal, and it wasn’t spoken of again. The Thursday before break finally came and in walked, are you ready?

Only five people with Snuggies.

I allow them to be ridiculous and they didn’t fully take me up on the offer. Alas, one of the kids did bring me a Snuggie for me to wear (since I do not own one) and I wore that sucker for three full periods. Dare I say…It was glorious.

The downfall of the Snuggie is this: the flaps don’t sit right on your shoulders. I kept pulling them up like it was a large dress that wouldn’t stay on me. I remedied it with one of my magnetic clips I use on my white board. Once closed, I could’ve worn it all day.

But, it came from a student’s house. I know that the kid is probably clean, but my eye started to itch while I was wearing it. Then, the bed bug scare as of late got into my soul and I started twitching. I began to hate myself and cursed my carelessness. I thought: It’s almost winter break, you fool, and you’re going to infest your house with bed bugs!


I shed it, and I’m happy to announce that I don’t have little bite marks around my ankles, which is where (so I’ve heard) the bed bugs nibble on you while you sleep.

Now, you’re going to itch after you’ve read this. Sorry.