Teaching Should Always Be This Funny

When I first started teaching, I had a story-a-day about something I did or something one of my students did. There was a story an hour. It's not that I've calmed down, but maybe it's the students...? I'll blame them. They're getting older.

Except for today. Something was in the water today.

During newspaper, as I was "pre-grading" their stories, I caught a quote from a student: "My favorite part about frog dissection is cutting it from the anus to the neck." The kid who said that was in the classroom and I gave him a hard time, as well as the kids who wrote the story.

"There is no way we're printing the word anus in the paper," I said.

"But that's what it's called," one of them said.

"I know quite well that it's called the anus, but you said cutting the frog open from anus to neck was your favorite just so you could say anus. You said anus just for the sake of saying it."

We had a good chuckle, but I told them to change the quote. Even though it didn't bother me, I'm sure some older teacher from a generation ago was going to pass out at the sight of anus printed in the school newspaper.

* * * * *

During yearbook, as we work on an advertising unit (because the yearbook is done, as it is a spring delivery), the students were creating a logo to go along with their magazine ads. I gave them a list of horribly boring things they needed to sell (i.e. dial-up Internet, cushion toilet seats, vacation to Siberia, etc.). A group of girls were trying to create a logo and a slogan. They turned around and asked: "What about bangin' broccoli?"

I said no.

"Why not? It's catchy."

A girl sitting next to them, but not in their group, has since, lost it.

"It's not appropriate," I said.

"How is bangin' broccoli not appropriate?"

Neighbor Girl is still laughing hysterically.

"I can't say. You need to figure it out on your own."

A couple minutes pass and one of the girl's eyes light up and she says, "oh, I get it." Neighbor Girl said, "finally!" and they moved on with a new slogan.

* * * * *

The last thing to happen was during my other yearbook class. As they were creating slogans, they went to a website called the Sloganizer. A student got up and I deleted their term (probably cantaloupe) and decided to type in turds instead. This is what it gave us:

"You can't stop turds."

"Let's talk about turds."

"I'd walk a mile for turds."

"Turds for everybody!"

"Turds -- a safe place in an unsafe world."

"Next stop -- turds!"

"Turds for president!"

The student next to me and I were the only two laughing, and hard mind you. We thought it was too damn funny. Everyone else was like: "What's so funny Mr. Williams?"

If they only knew...