"Hey Lazy Eye!"

Funny story:

On the trip back from Tennessee after we moved Steph out of the dorm (where she was an R.A.) and after her graduation, we were on the road late, Steph and I in her truck, the rest of the family in the Dodge van ahead of us. We were desperately making it to the hotel where we could all take a break, when we needed to pull over because Little Brother Dan was getting car sick.

Once we got to the gas station on the side of a mountain, we went in to get something to drink when we came across vomit all over the convenience store floor. He didn't make it. The woman behind the desk just stood there, contemplating her lazy eye. Dad finally got hold of a mop and bucket from her, talking to the wrong eye, and was stuck cleaning up the muck. I can't remember if Dan was back outside throwing up again over the cement wall that separated the mountain from the gas station or if head to go to the bathroom and we told him to go in the dark. Maybe it was me that had to go and I went behind a large building... I can't remember exactly, but I do know there was peeing in the dark. It was probably me. I get such a rush peeing outdoors.

Everything was cleaned up and we were back on the road. To stay awake, because I fall asleep anywhere (as a child I fell asleep standing up), I bought a Mountain Dew Live Wire (which had just come out, you know, the orange one) and I was chugging it because I didn't want to doze off on Steph.

Important rule on long road trips with just two people, especially when they're at night, both parties must stay awake.

Then we started to replay the barf situation. We named the woman Lazy Eye. And then we ad libbed a new story:

"Hey Lazy Eye!" I said.

"Hey whaaaaaat?" Steph replied with a scary voice.

It caught me off guard and I sprayed my mouthful of Mountain Dew all over the dashboard and windshield.

Comments

Epimenides said…
I particularly dislike night trips! I've had my fair share of them in Ghana, where all drivers think it's really cool to daze the upcoming traffic with the high beam headlights!
rp said…
Yes, both must stay awake. I am the copilot, and I am ALWAYS awake (slight control issue here). Brian, like you, falls asleep anywhere. He is partial to Jolt or Red Bull. Before he quit, he drove chain smoking with Marlboro lights and twizzlers. Blech.
Anonymous said…
I'm the same RP!
Anonymous said…
Jolt Cola!!!!!!!!!! The Shiznit!

Sounds like that trip was just one big sticky mess. Hope you had some wet wipes. One thing I've learned is that it's a great idea to bring those everywhere you go.
AWWWW! Were you quick to say the mountful of Mountain Dew was part of her graduation celebration?! Actually this is a good story, something you will tell your grandchildren in a long winter night...
rp said…
Totally, David. How did the world function without WIPES??? Why did I come to appreciate the value of these things only AFTER having a kid? Uncle, I suggest you add Wipes to your next trip list :)
Uncle Phatato said…
Actually, we DID have wipes with us last year when we drove down to Virginia visiting friends...

I may edit my post :)
Uncle Phatato said…
And I did...check out the top nine.